Holding on for too Long: When to Let Them Go

Letting Go

As humans, we hold onto people.  Even when these people prove time and time again that they are toxic to our lives, we tend to keep them around because of who they used to be. I’m not sure if it is the way that I was raised or just the sincerity of my heart, but I have always tried to seek the good in others.  I  have realized we keep people near because of the feelings they once brought us.  We look at these people and see endless memories and can’t bear the thought of parting with them.  Often times, we maintain fruitless, stagnant relationships because we have hope of what could be.  We hold on until we are forced to let go.

When do our relationships become unnecessary baggage?  I know there are no guidelines to perfect relationships (when I say relationships, I’m not referring solely to intimate), no alarms that sound when you’ve found a genuine friend, and no checklists to help you find your Mr. (or Mrs.) Right, but there are indicators as to when a connection has been lost and most likely cannot be repaired.  Letting go of people is probably one of the hardest things to do, but it can also be the most rewarding for your sanity and peace of mind.

Let them go if they minimize your feelings. 

NEWS FLASH! They don’t value you. 

“It’s not that serious.”  “Stop being so dramatic.”  “Why are you so extra?”  If you hear phrases like this from a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend every time you express they way certain behaviors or situations make you feel, they don’t value your feelings.

Let them go if they can’t accept being told “No.”

 You’re grown.  You don’t need to explain yourself to them.

“No” is a complete sentence.  This term doesn’t require an explanation, and it is not used during negotiation.  

Let them go if you’re not a priority. 

Let’s be honest.  No one likes un-returned missed calls or text messages, especially from those who are  important to you.  Personally, I  hate canceled plans for bs reasons and hate feeling like I was an afterthought.  If your friends or significant other don’t ride for you like your ride for them, sayonara. 

Let them go if they constantly judge you by your past. 

Yes, we all have moments that we aren’t so proud of (including myself).  However, there are people in my circle who are willing to look past those moments and let me live.  How about you?  Is your squad or significant other bringing up Spring Break ’15 when you went to Miami for the week?  Or going on and on about how you can’t be trusted because of the incident that occurred on your 21st birthday?  If you’ve apologized and moved on, so should they.

Let them go if there is no reciprocation. 


What’s the rule?  80/20?  20/80?  60/40?  I don’t agree with any of them.  Any type of relationship should be 50/50.  Take a step back and reflect.  Are you always the one giving 90% in the relationship, while the other person barely gives 10%? Do you constantly have to remind them of what you need in order for the relationship to work?  A relationship CANNOT be healthy if only one person is building its foundation.

Let them go if you constantly tell them what upsets you, and they continue to do the same thing. 

It’s disrespectful.

Again, your feelings, thoughts, and emotions are not important to them.  They’ll keep doing the same thing until eventually you learn to “deal with it.”

Let them go if they try to change you. 

A person who tries to change you doesn’t like you.  He/she likes the THOUGHT of you.  This person has an ideal friend/boyfriend/girlfriend in mind so he/she tries to make you fit the mold, neglecting all of the unique qualities and characteristics that make you…you.



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